I know what you’re thinking.
“It’s Sunday. Why is she here on a Sunday? She’s meant to write on Thursdays!”
“Where was she last week??! She missed a blog post and a video on her channel!”
“I knew it. I knew this whole thing was just an act, and she’s going back to being a wholly unreliable no good cornflake.”
I can explain… The week before last was hospital orientation for my housemanship, but this week, I began tagging in my first posting: surgery. In a video I plan to miraculously film and upload tomorrow (if I do, I will link it at the end of this blog post), I will explain what tagging is, and how housemanship works, now that I have a whopping four days of experience to recount from. Think Triwizard Tournament, but for two years straight. Anyway, now I want to write a short affirmation for myself because it’s the first moment I’ve been able to write all week.
In light of the 16+ hour work days, maximum 5 hours of sleep you’ve been getting, and barely finding time to sit down and eat a meal, I know you’re tired, sleep deprived, and disappointed from breaking your blog/ vlog streak. I know you’re scared that you’ll lose everything you’ve worked hard to build over the last two years, all while trying to not kill anyone at work, or yourself.
If all you want to do now is sleep because any time spent not sleeping is something you will come to regret, then sleep. If you don’t want to write, film, or read, then don’t. This is not supposed to be easy, and the cocktail of questions as to whether you can do it all, whether you went to medical school at all, and whether it was the right decision to leave your old life behind…
Remember what they said during orientation? It’s perfectly normal to want to quit when you’re starting out, and when it gets particularly tough.
It’s okay. Your feelings are perfectly valid. Take your time to adjust to the newness of it all. No one is going to judge you, or think less of you (except yourself of course), and know that you will learn to juggle your priorities in a sustainable manner, in good time. It’s going to be fine.
Now, I am going to finish my Earl Grey decaf tea, sleep for seven hours, and tag for another six days before my next day off, where you will likely read another iteration of this post. Wish me luck, and I hope you’ve been enjoying being outside.
P.S. My first official day of work as a junior doctor also happened to be my 28th birthday. Happy birthday to me!