Goodbye surgery. Hello internal medicine.
Yes, again I struggle to find the words, but I try anyway to convey two important messages: I finished surgery, and thank you supporters!
I've given myself seven minutes to say my piece because I've finally decided that it's more important for me to show up as I am, than as I would like, because that just ends up meaning that I am perpetually hiding behind some unattainable goal of perfection, and we all know how detrimental that is, right?
I finished my first posting in surgery three days ago, and will begin my second posting in internal medicine tomorrow... On a Sunday. I know, why would they have us start on a Sunday right? Honestly, it's a blessing to start a new department on a weekend, because it's always a little bit of a breather compared to going in on a Monday because, well, Mondays.
Of course, I have countless reflections regarding my last four months, and with it the growth and maturity I have attained as a healthcare worker, and yet what I want to talk about instead is the anxiety bubbling up within me that prevents me from being able to consistently show up here, or on my channel, or the gram... again. My woes always tend to circle back to the exact same place, and I cannot for the life of me figure out from where this performance anxiety repeatedly sneaks up from.
However, as my seven minutes of speed blogging nears a close, let me be grateful for that fact that I am supported enough by my family and friends, to find the will to show up against all the odds, because I still believe that I have something to say, even if I struggle to find the words sometimes. As I send this out, I send along many thanks for those of you who have me in your thoughts, because I must be riding the wave of good juju to have managed to finish surgery... without being extended!